Excerpts from stories that should be shorter

anyways.,  a thought just occurred.. here it goess.: mananasdmdmwowndiewelwwwoeowwerwedsaccscccccccc. again. over and over a banker walks into a library and picks book of the shelf titled How To Maximize Profits In The Wake Of The Apocalypse. These and other titles seem to just roll off the tongue at quite importune moments.
“Why couldn’t i have read that book yesterday?” he thinks to himself.. But still he starts reading. The books starts off like this:

“Hey, who the f**k do you think i am.. who the f**k do you think you are? why read on? freedom.. clowning* around.. laddeee daaa daaaa.  Hey kid, you look like a real go-getter type of guys. you wouldnt believe what happened last night.. garbleeededddldv i wasn’t surprised. i love it. keeps things exciting. You know what he did? Damn i wish i knew.. But i don’t really know the guy well enough to ask him what he did. last time i asked him what he killed me. i was dead. really i died of laughter and swam in the ether staring back at us as we really are.. was i in the future..? i guess so.. but i was in the past too. katmandu man.. it was some crazy s**t i saw.. those aliens man. They know whats up.. i got a glimpse..”
“Really?,” … a voice.
“Yeah they put that f***ing probe in everyone who they picked up.. that thing has seen some sick s**t. .. brah.”
“like my new tribal tattoo?”
“hell yeah, i’m jealous man.. thankfully i just got a raised truck, so im still a sick brah too.. see i’m the kinda guy you wish you could be friends with..”
“they’d all be f***ing fascinated with every damn thing you’d have to say.. and those f***ing hippees … tooo.”
“i love hippies..”
i wish i was a hippie.. i’d stop wars man.. people would see me walking around at street markets and be like dude that’s the magical hippie that stops wars. don’t get in that dude’s way.. he’s gotta get to that next war and stop that s**t with his hummus and awesome youtube video links.

“Alright, peace.”

“Wait, not so fast.. are we still at the library?”

“Not sure…. Where’s the banker?”

“we could find him”

“there he goes”

They were off.

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